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How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse
Updated: April 1, 2019
Think zombies are just a piece of science fiction designed to scare the crap out of teenagers at the drive-in theater? Well, think again. The threat of a zombie outbreak is a bigger reality than you can ever imagine. You need to be prepared for the worst that can happen. But before we get to that list, let’s look at the warning signs that can give you a head’s up of the arrival of the Dawn of the Dead!
Tip #1 - Zombies Are Not Too Bright
Measured on a scale of 1 to 10 the average brain power of a zombie is in the territory of a 2. Possibly a 2.5. They really have little in the way of smarts. The primary goal of your typical zombie is to seek out non-zombie flesh. This is not only food for the undead, it enables them to spread the virus they carry. Being smarter than a zombie is easy, surviving a zombie attack is not so easy.
Tip #2 - Avoid Anything Promoted As New And Improved
Thanks to such wonderful technical and scientific advancements in today’s world such as GMO and vegan diets, the potential of a zombie outbreak has increased. Foods and beverages are one way in which the zombie virus can be transferred in an otherwise ‘zombie free’ environment. Any of these consumables that are promoted as being “new and improved” or contain a “new recipe/formula” are to be avoided at all times.
Tip #3 – Beware Of Your Chosen Information Sources
The media is full of “fake news” sites these days. As a result there is no way of knowing how reliable the news report about the zombie outbreak being a fallacy is. Websites all over the internet get intercepted daily by zombies and converted into fake news sites. Plus, if the radio station you listen to plays a lot of Grateful Dead or identifies itself as “Zombie FM 98.6” you know you are in trouble.
Now that you have a bit of background on what to watch for as potential signals of the eventual zombie outbreak, do you have any idea what to do to prepare yourself for this event? It’s not anything like preparing for an earthquake, hurricane or fire evacuation. There is no drill. There is no time to plan your escape routes. Being ready can be the difference between survival or becoming one of the latest victims of the zombie virus. Here’s a list to get you started:
What You Need While You Are Still At Home
You will also want to keep those water bottles safe and easy to access while your position is still relatively unknown. You can do that with a bottle rack which saves space and holds a lot of your supply.
What You Will Need While You Are On The Road
On the offhand chance you remembered to load up food to keep you fueled up on the road, you will want to keep your road snacks stored in a lunch bag so you can identify food from first aid supplies when making a split-second decision.
What You Will Need While Running From Zombies
To keep your important ‘running like hell’ survival kit all together, you can use a large tote bag. In it you should have a flashlight, matches, first aid kit, small water bottles, protein snacks (avoiding those with ‘new recipe’ on the wrapper) and clean underwear.
What You Will Need When Hiding From A Group of Zombies
One way to keep the handful of zombies that have trapped you in alley at bay is rather simple. Provided you remembered to pack your ghetto blaster, extra batteries and a handful of CDs. Zombies react in different ways to different types of music. Blasting them with AC/DC only makes them hungry. Forcing them to listen to rap music does much the same. If you are looking for a way to squeeze past a wall of zombies without getting infected your best bet is to let the sounds of Tom Jones, The Carpenters or Wayne Newton blare from the speakers. This will scare them off long enough for you to take a dash. However, the effects do not last for very long. Also, protect yourself from this painful experience by wrapping a wet towel around your head being sure to cover your ears.
What You Will Need When Joining another Pack of Survivors
You should spend a fair amount of time observing these ‘survivors’ in order to weed out whether or not they are actually humans or a sub-strain of zombies. If you have any doubts, keep running.
What You Will Need When You Are Backed Into A Corner
Again, if you prepared properly and have managed to keep some of your supplies to this point you still have a few tricks up your sleeve. The water jug you’ve been hauling around can be your secret weapon at this point. Slug the nearest survivor in your small group with it hard enough to knock that person out. Use that limp body as bait and as the crowd of zombies is distracted with the fresh offering, make your getaway.
Other Valuable Tips To Survive The Zombie Outbreak
Stay Away From Crowded Areas
As distracting as a live football, baseball or basketball game can be, do not allow yourself to become weak to the desires of your testosterone and try to attend any of these functions. Even if there has not been any word or evidence to back up the possibility of a zombie outbreak, being caught in the concourse of a major sporting arena is not going to be pretty. Sporting venues are nothing more that human smorgasbords to the average zombie as soon as the virus starts to spread. Be forewarned and stay away from such places.
Wear Clothing That Helps You Blend Into Your Surroundings
Whatever You Do, Stay Hydrated
Final Words On The Zombie Outbreak
Remember, only those who have taken the warnings seriously and bothered to prepare in advance will have a much better survival rate. There is no way of knowing when and where that outbreak will take place but if you have your stuff together and made a plan for escape, you could outrun and outlast the spread of the zombie virus. Hopefully these tips will help you get one step closer to beating the outbreak. If they don’t work, blame the zombies for taking over this website and posting this article.
Happy April First!
Additional posts on preparing for natural disasters
PREPARING FOR A NATURAL DISASTER Part I - How to Survive A Natural Disaster
PREPARING A EMERGENCY GO BAG - How to Pack Your Go Bag
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